Tuesday, October 27, 2009

In Between Naps

Thanks to Amy E.'s book club up in Fairwood for hosting me! Good company, good food, fun discussion--all in a house with more cobwebs than mine, albeit Debbi got to choose where to put hers, and mine are au naturel. At these book clubs there never fails to be a perspective I've never heard, and this was no exception. Jane thought no way was Phyl over Daniel by the end of the book, and Jill was amazed that Cass would go write for a video game company with no experience in the field. Hmm...

Many in the Dudley household have been laid low with mysterious sleeping sickness, so I've gotten a lot of reading done.

Latest Book to Change My Life:
William Stolzenburg's WHERE THE WILD THINGS WERE. I've referred to this in a past post and want to recommend the entire book. Forget climate change! (or at least, there's lots more to the picture...) The role top predators play in ecosystems and the havoc wraught when they disappear. Made me want to get a lynx for the backyard, but I don't know if the neighbors would be on board.

An Interesting Twist:
I also recently mentioned enjoying the art-forgery non-fiction PROVENANCE by Laney Salisbury and Aly Sujo, so I gave THE MAN WHO MADE VERMEERS by Jonathan Lopez a try. It was a little less interesting on the the how-tos of forgery and manufacturing provenances but made up for it in art interpretation. How, for example, a successful forgery both alludes to the imitated Old Master and exudes contemporary appeal. This forger, in particular, absorbed images from Nazi propaganda and inserted them in his faux biblical Vermeers, and suddenly Hermann Goering wanted one.

And finally, Don't Call Me Frothy:
Halfway through Nancy Mitford's LOVE IN A COLD CLIMATE, which also puts me halfway through the three-novel Mitford "omnibus" I checked out. I can't believe I never read her! And how I wish I had someone to read it aloud to because her writing begs to be read aloud. Talk about beach reads.

Friday, October 23, 2009

Shut the Front Door

I know--I'm posting two days in a row. This is called procrastinating, because I'm supposed to be paying my bills on line and drumming up Bible study questions for next week. Before I get to that, I thought I'd blog on cussing.

Yesterday I was typing away on my as-yet-untitled sequel to MOURNING BECOMES CASSANDRA, which in itself was a procrastination tactic because I'm completely hung up on my YA novel and going nowhere fast. Anyhow, there is Joanie under my nimble fingers, and out of her mouth pops a cuss word. Now, as my readers know, I mostly confined the cussing in MBC to the non-churchgoing characters, but here was Joanie saying what she said. For a few minutes I considered options: (1) no cussing--but she was really ticked!; (2) saying indirectly, "Joanie let fly a frustrated expletive"--in my humble opinion I just think that leads the reader to substitute his favorite cuss word, in which case the synapse in his head fires no matter what; (3) just using the dinged word--I went with this; or (4) using what I did in (3), a euphemism.

Euphemisms happen to be my cussing style of choice with kids around. Euphemisms and my handy, but occasionally malfunctioning, personal mute button. (Aside: my oldest has gotten adept enough at reading my lips when I'm muted that I had a squirmy moment when we were watching the baseball playoffs, and one of the players had a lip-reading moment after striking out.) After saying "darn" in a sermon one week, my husband received an email reminding him that the euphemism is as bad as the cuss word in God's eyes--thank you, you sainted soul. If you happen to be reading this blog, please skip this post. Oh, and all my other posts. Oh, and probably my book, too.

In order for a euphemism to be effective as a substitute cuss word in times of frustration, it has to have a goodly number of syllables and feature satisfying consonants. Some of my personal go-to euphemisms include:

Admiral Chester T. Nimitz! (I found out his middle initial was actually "W," which prompted another euphemism.)

Newt Gingrich! (G's are particularly satisfying.)

Kaiser Wilhelm! (With the "W" pronounced as a "V," in true German fashion.)

And a new favorite, courtesy of Leslie M., to be said in tones of incredulity: Shut the front door!

Sample conversation:
Husband: Honey, I got a 200% raise today.

Wife: Shut the front door!

Any favorite euphemisms you want to share?

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Supposing You Were an Ox in the Mesozoic Era

Have you ever been reading two books simultaneously and had them dovetail in strange ways? This past week I've been reading the kids Scott O'Dell's ISLAND OF THE BLUE DOLPHINS, another one of those children's books that you re-read as an adult and realize--hang on! this book is actually super depressing! Well-written, yes. Exciting, yes. But also wistful. Sad.

Anyhow, to review, the Indians on the island live peacefully until a ship full of Aleut Indians, captained by a dishonest Russian, arrives, beats to death half the island's otter population, tries to sneak off without paying, and then slaughters most of the island's warriors when they protest.

Wouldn't you know it, I also happen to be reading William Stolzenburg's thrilling WHERE THE WILD THINGS WERE (not to be confused with the creepy new live-action movie featuring creatures in big puffy suits running around an island, trying to figure out how to work 1.5 hours of activity out of a 30-page book). What do I find in Chapter Three, but a detailed account of how Russians shipwrecked on a tiny island at the end of the Aleutian chain in 1741 and found--hallelujah!--gazillions of animals to shoot down (cormorants), harpoon (Stellar's sea cow), roast (you name it), and strip for fur (otters). So wonderful was otter fur that, by the end of the 19th century, Russians and North Americans had hunted otters to the point of endangerment from Alaska down to Baja California. Which would explain why they showed up on the Island of the Blue Dolphins off Santa Barbara along about 1835. Voila! Exciting dovetail connection! (There was a bonus dovetail in O'Dell's author's note: he claims to be "indebted" to Maud and Delos Lovelace. Heaven knows why he felt this way, but Maud Lovelace wrote my deeply beloved BETSY-TACY series.)

But back to the strange title of this post. Stolzenburg's book runs down the long, long history of predation on earth and comes up with some Creatures You Would Not Want to Meet on Their Home Turf. Take, for instance, Dinichthys, a predacious fish the size of bus(!) that lived 350 million years ago. Or the fifty-foot crocodile Deinosuchus, which they think ate dinosaurs. You heard me--not pet dogs, but dinosaurs. And finally, my favorite horror, Carcharadon megalodon, great-great-great-great-great grandpa of the great white shark. Carcharadon megalodon reached forty feet in length and had enormous toothy jaws that stretched nine feet when hungry or astonished. As Stolzenburg puts it mildly, "If an ox could swim, megalodon could have swallowed it." That is some fish.

Because of our oversized brains, we humans have managed severely to reduce the number of top predators on earth, with manifold unintended consequences to the earth's ecology. But given the continued popularity of stories pitting pitifully weak humans against monster predators, our species' haunted memories live on. Have any favorite monster predator movies? I vote JAWS. Long live megalodon!

Friday, October 16, 2009

Somebody Get Me a Glossary

How do you feel about reading books where you have to reach for the dictionary? Do you try to guess from context? Do you make a note of it and look the word up later? Do you yell across the room: "Hey, what does davening mean?" Or do you get irritated and give up on the book?

I fall in the first and third camp generally. Try to guess, or yell across the room if my husband is around. Never, ever do I get out the dictionary. It breaks up the flow too much. But this week I actually gave up on a book. I was sorry to do so, but Allegra Goodman's KAATERSKILL FALLS had whole passages incomprehensible to me. The book is set in an upstate New York community made up of a variety of people, including an Orthodox Jewish community. The thought of getting a view into an Orthodox world is actually what attracted me to the book (that, and my husband and I were in grad school with Goodman, and she was an intimidating author published in the New Yorker even then), but as the unfamiliar terms piled up, with very few contextual clues for the uninitiated, I found myself wondering if I should read it at my computer, so I could Google as I went along. Not exactly a book to curl up on the couch with, listening to the rain drum on the roof.

Or how about the related difficulty--foreign languages in an English book? Nowadays writers usually include the English translation right after the foreign words: Yo no soy marinaro. Soy capitan, soy capitan. I'm not a sailor, I'm a captain. I'm a captain. But I've noticed older books assume you have a breadth of education that at least includes the Romance languages and sometimes German. I'm midway through Nancy Mitford's THE PURSUIT OF LOVE and have been dredging up my high school French because I sure do want to know what's going on between Linda and Fabrice. French, fine. But how despondent I was when Lord Peter Wimsey broke into Latin, for the love of Mike, when wooing Harriet Vane! What did he say? Don't do this to me, Dorothy Sayers!

Maybe if KAATERSKILL FALLS had only deluged me with Orthodox Jewish terminology in love scenes I would have hung in there longer. We'll never know.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Everything's Coming Up Pigs

Played Scrabble last night with a friend who gave me a bottle of Purel as a hostess gift. Given the state of my housekeeping, from anyone else this would have been seen as a provocative act, but from this particular person it was meant as a blessing. As in, "may you not succumb to swine flu as you go about life."

While I haven't (yet) succumbed to swine flu, despite not increasing the number of times I wash my hands and continuing brazenly to shake hands with people during the greeting time at church, pigs do seem to be a recurring theme lately.

Take, for instance, the revolting-yet-enthralling book I just finished: Rose George's THE BIG NECESSITY: THE UNMENTIONABLE WORLD OF HUMAN WASTE AND WHY IT MATTERS. (How I managed to finish this book is a testament to its interesting-ness because it was not one you could read while eating.) I highly recommend this trip around the world, to see how various countries and cultures deal (or don't) with the problem of human waste. In rural China George discovers "biogas" digesters--the poop of people and their pigs gets composted, and as it ferments, the gas produced runs the family's stove and other basics! Good-bye, deforestation! This is also an important read if you ever wondered what kind of toilet J-Lo has in her house.

Then there are the wonderful, scene-stealing pig passages in Michael Pollan's THE OMNIVORE'S DILEMMA and Novella Carpenter's FARM CITY. Pigs really do eat everything, and the world is a better place for it. In Carpenter's case she was trying to raise pigs in an abandoned lot in Oakland, and to satisfy their bottomless appetites, she spent much time every week Dumpster diving for everything from fish guts to birthday cakes.

My kids even caught the pig brainwave, checking out the delightful PING PONG PIG by Caroline Jayne Church, a book you figure had to be written after she came up with such a wonderful title.

I had my own PING PONG PIG moment yesterday when I was talking to my husband and came up with the title PIG FARMER'S DAUGHTER (doesn't that book beg to be written? And shelved right next to COAL MINER'S DAUGHTER? It could be a series!). But then Scott burst my bubble, informing me that the title A PIG FARMER'S DAUGHTER was already taken, it having been the one and only "adult" film his parents had seen, back in the Swinging '70s. In these days of Google, and given my platform of church-related people, I probably don't want them searching on my title and coming up with a porn film. And I don't dare Google it myself, considering the unholy amounts of spam I already receive on myriad not-ready-for-primetime topics.

Alas, the world will never know what it lost when it lost PIG FARMER'S DAUGHTER.

Friday, October 9, 2009

Knowing Where to End It

If you don't count the two books I tried to read and gave up on, the last book I've finished was Gary Kinder's thrilling SHIP OF GOLD IN THE DEEP BLUE SEA, which combines a disaster (shipwreck! Yay!) with a decades-later salvage operation that reads like a suspense novel because of the other evil treasure hunters trolling around out there.

Since it was published in 1998, the second I closed the book I leapt up to Google the whole matter and see what had become of everyone. And--sadly--discovered that Tommy Thompson, the valiant, imaginative, persistent, deep-sea-exploring leader of the salvage operation, is now AWOL, and some of his former investors have filed suit. All of which is to say, Kinder ended the book at a good point.

Where to end a book is an under-discussed topic. In a book where all the ends tie up neatly, it's obviously after all the ends have been tied up, but sometimes writers don't choose that. (I myself took some flack from readers who favor tidy endings, although I thought the ending of MBC had plenty of implied tidiness. Which may have to suffice, since I haven't had time to get the behind in gear and do much writing on a sequel lately. Think I've figured out what's ailing the Twins book, though, thanks be to God.) I was talking to another pastor's wife recently, and we were comparing notes on wonderful life stories where beautiful things had been salvaged from wreckage, only to have people then go and flush it all down the toilet again. They didn't know where to end the story. Maybe get everything all straightened out and then get hit by a bus, so at your memorial they could say, "Such a shame about the bus hitting her, but isn't it beautiful how she'd gotten her life in order again?"

Anyone have book endings they loved or hated? My book club is doing Elizabeth Kostova's vampire book THE HISTORIAN in honor of Halloween, and I must say I wasn't thrilled with the ending. Also disappointed with Donna Tartt's THE SECRET HISTORY--for this (lack of) denouement I read hundreds of pages? These kinds of endings can make you long for the good old Shakespearean days, where everyone you care about lies dead on the stage, with only some red-shirt left to eulogize them.

Monday, October 5, 2009

Top 5 Laughs (PG)

This definitely falls under the "And Beyond" heading. Thanks to all who contributed.

1. Stephen Colbert interviews a representative from the atheist lobby. http://www.colbertnation.com/the-colbert-report-videos/180127/august-29-2008/better-know-a-lobby---atheism

2. For you PROJECT RUNWAY fans. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TUyDrYfIzRs

3. www.awkwardfamilyphotos.com (Need I say more? Might need to a FB poll to determine the winner. My vote goes with the schoolgirl & Chuckie.)

4. Vintage JCPenney catalog with commentary. An old blog favorite, but worth a laugh every time: http://15minutelunch.blogspot.com/2007/10/strap-in-shut-up-and-hold-on-were-going.html

5. And my hugest laugh of the last six months: the literal version of Bonnie Tyler's "Total Eclipse of the Heart" video. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lj-x9ygQEGA

Let me know of any of your recent favorites!

Thursday, October 1, 2009

The Eagle Has Landed

Yippee-kay-ay! Thanks to all you readers and friends out there who made my first legitimate book event in a legitimate location look legitimate! You are the best. I'm happy to report that MOURNING BECOMES CASSANDRA is now officially in the black, which means I can dig into the savings account to do this again in the future. Good news, since I have so many books I'm writing or dying to write.

The University Book Store staff in Bellevue was wonderful and even took a few extra stock copies at the end of the evening so I can spread like a virus up to the Mill Creek store. I'm no swine flu, but it's a start. I'm so in love with UBS right now that I am letting my Barnes & Noble membership lapse, thank you very much. (For you owners of a Chinook Book, you'll be happy to know there's a 20% off coupon for UBS in it.)


If you have any friends in Northern Latitudes, let me know, because UBS might want to do an event at their Mill Creek location. I can think of one sister-in-law, and one friend in Monroe, and one in Duvall. If they each bring a friend, that's six people. Let's not go nuts here, folks.