Those Who Can't, Write

The Road More Traveled

My career is tanking.

A couple weeks ago I applied for my first job in--what--sixteen years? I've been (un)fortunate enough not to work "outside the home" since I had my first child (she's now 12 1/2), and before I left the workplace, I'd been at my then-job for four years. And when you consider that I got that job because my ultimate boss was married to my penultimate boss, I really haven't been thrown back on peddling my own qualifications for something like eighteen years.

Why was I applying for a job now? I give you four reasons:

1. I was suffering from partial writer's block on my WIP;
2. My book sales fell off a cliff just when I was setting some financial goals by them (more on this some other time);
3. My husband was talking about the economy going south, and we had a more-than-half-serious discussion about where we could move and subsistence farm.

But, lastly and most importantly, the perfect job came up. Right out of one of my books. Consider this irresistible post on craigslist:

Domestic Assistant. Prepare Meals for One Executive. Bellevue (Bellevue)

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Date: Not Long Ago
Reply to: XXXXXXXXXXX

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Prepare meals, Buy groceries, provide minimal laundry, and house cleaning activities. I'm a single male executive with no children or pets. I keep a clean home, don't smoke or drink, and am very polite. My home is five minutes from Bellevue Square.

$25 dollars per hour, two hours per day, and two days per week. Must pass a criminal background check and have your own transportation.

Are you kidding me??? $100 per week to do what I already do, for someone who, unlike my children, is "clean" and "very polite"??? Not to mention, he's a "single male executive" (picture Daniel Martin from Mourning Becomes Cassandra). Though I didn't discover the listing until nine days after it first appeared, I hastened to apply.

And got...total silence.
Nada.
Zip.
Niente.

Is there anything more demoralizing than not only not having what it takes to be someone's part-time house slave, but being so incredibly not what he's looking for that he can't even be bothered to reply? If there is, I can't think of it.

My friends thought to comfort me by saying, "Christina, you're so naive. I don't think that's an ad for a domestic assistant. I think he's looking for sex. That's an ad for sex."

So now you're telling me I don't even have what it takes to be someone's part-time sex slave??? What kind of woman doesn't even get a call-back when she's offering cheap sex? (Note: while $25/hr is generous for a genuine domestic assistant, I do think $25/trick is insultingly chintzy. Occupy Clyde Hill, anyone?) Was this all because I didn't list Hooters and "bikini barista" on my resume? Can we say "discrimination"?

So, craigslist failure that I am, I'm back to writing. Chapter 16 and counting on my nameless book.

Unless things get really bad, and I break down and apply for that other listing: Hot Dog Vendor at Home Depot.